||lie||you are a sinner because you sin

||truth||you sin because you are a sinner 

if you encounter truth; that truth will make you free

from post secret

So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun

thanks dara

Uncertainty is killing me

And I'm certainly not asleep

Maybe I've gone far too deep

Maybe I'm just far too weak

And that's the last place I want to be the last place

And there is so much we dont know

So we love and we hope that it holds

man oh man.

uncertainty IS killing me. i'm not too sure what i feel. okay, thats i lie. i'm pretty sure i know what i feel. it's moreso uncertainty from the other end. stuffs been good lately. i've been feeling good, i've been happy- i've been sleeping in far too much; but thats okay i think- i haven't been all doubt-filled and insecure.  i listen to beyonce lots. singing and dancing to  "single ladies" is nourishment for a woman's soul, i swear. yet it's sort of fake for me like "if you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it...your loss loser i'm happy and satisfied without you." thats not how i think though....just more like "i'm single. and i'm okay with it, and things are in a good place"

anyways. on to my issues. i got all  doubty the other day. i'd been doing good them BAM it just all rushed up on me. not insecurites....just doubt in the situation i'm in. i'm not going into details here they are irrelevant. lets just say i've been looking for closure lately. whether it's a shut door, or an open opportunity? i need an answer. limbo phase got old a few months ago. i'm a big girl. i'm content with things- just i want this to be sorted. so i can "sleep easy" i suppose

maybe i'll be singing a different taylor swift in a few weeks time than i have been lately

Baby I was naive,
Got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
My mistake, I didn't know to be in love
You had to fight to have the upper hand
I had so many dreams
About you and me
Happy endings
Now I know

am was

am was. are leaves few this. is these a or
scratchily over which of earth dragged once
-ful leaf. & were who skies clutch an of poor
how colding hereless. air theres what immense
live without every dancing. singless on-
ly a child's eyes float silently down
more than two those that and that noing our
gone snow gone
yours mine
. We're
alive and shall be:cities may overflow(am
was)assassinating whole grassblades,five
ideas can swallow a man;three words im
-prison a woman for all her now:but we've
such freedom such intense digestion so
much greenness only dying makes us grow

Freely you gave it all for us

Surrendered your life upon that cross

Great is your love

Poured out for all

This is our God

really, when i think about it long enough. THIS is all that matters.


in the lone hour, of my sorrow
through the darkest night of my soul
you surround me, and sustain me
my defender, forever more
when hope is lost, i'll call you saviour
when pain surrounds, i'll call you healer
when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart

bummer

just because you pretend it's all good doesn't actually mean all is good.

oh the emotion

how do we ever know what we really want?

what we really like?

tonight i went to get some cottage cheese.... when i was younger the stuff disgusted me, but last year i started to eat it all the time. it had been some time since i'd had it. and i know that i loved it last time i had it. not anymore. i had about 3 bites, and i decided that i didn't like it. the stuff was awful. so, i let it sit on the counter. heres the killer: it looked sad and abandoned, so i decided to eat it. and i liked it. i enjoyed it.  five minutes earlier i felt sick just  thinking of it.

if i were to hang out with someone who really liked cottage cheese, and they talked about how superb it was, and they wanted me to eat it with them, i would. i would sit and discuss the beauty that is cottage cheese, i would eat, and i would enjoy. yet, if i was with someone who didn't like it. and the reminded me how disgusting it can be, my thoughts would sway to gross textures and funny taste, and i would proclaim my distaste for the junk. it's not because peoples opinions sway me. more i don't actually have my mind made up in favour for or against it yet.

how twisted is this!?

i can't even decided if i like a flipping dairy product. how am i supposed to make major decisions about my life?

choose a guy? am i gonna like his taste one day, the be repulsed by his texture the next? how about a job. i mean yeah, i can always get a new job. but not really. not if i go to school for something. you go to school to get good at something so you can spend your life doing it. how do i even decided? when pulling the cottage cheese from the fridge i had a battle trying to decided if i should have the 1% or the 2%

ugh

i shouldn't be stressing about all this. i'm "too young" to stress. but what if i screw up. what if i miss the big picture? what if i already have?

i'll still live a good life. i'll still find satisfaction, i'll be happy. but could i be happier? i know thinking about it wont make it any better, and really it doesn't matter. it's not like i'm going to know i missed out, right!? like. i'm not going to wake up one day and say "had  i made this choice, my life would be 5 times better right now", because thats not how life works. i'd find things that suck anyways.

hmmmmm.

all i have to say is damn you cottage cheese, i'm pretty sure i dislike you very much.

 (at least right now. give me five minutes and i'll feel differently, i'm sure)

you are blessed

This is what he said:
"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.
You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.
You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.
You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family"

copeland

and when you finally think it's gone
you gotta run right back to the start

One meets his destiny often in the road he takes to avoid it.

use somebody

I've been roaming around always lookin down at all I see.
Painted faces fill the places I can't reach.
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you
And all you know and how you speak
Countless lovers undercover of the street
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you
Off in the night while you live it up I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
I hope it's gonna make you notice
Someone like me
Someone like me
Someone like me
Somebody
(Go and let it out)
Someone like you
Somebody
Someone like you
Somebody
Someone like you
Somebody
I've been roaming around always lookin down at all I see

c.s. lewis

If we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy, also we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world.

I said I needed room to breathe

I said I needed truth, break free

But all that's truth that I was running from you

Turns out I was running from me

real love

Most birds were created to fly. Being grounded for them is a limitation within their ability to fly, not the other way around. You, on the other hand, were created to be loved. So for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation, not the other way around.

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath
The weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these
Afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize how beautiful you are
And how great your afflictions for me

Oh how he loves us so
Oh how he loves us
How he loves us so

We are his portion
And he is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meats earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart burns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way
He loves us

Oh how he loves us so
Oh how he loves us
How he loves us so

I thought about you
The day Stephen died
And you met me between my breaking
I know that I still love you God
Despite the agony
See people they want to tell me your cruel
But if Stephen could sing
He'd say its not true
Cause your good

i remember

I remember it well
The first time that I saw
Your head around the door
'Cause mine stopped working
I remember it well
There was wet in your hair
I was stood in the stairs
And time stopped moving

I want you hear tonight
I want you hear
'Cause I can't believe what I found
I want you hear tonight
I want you hear
Nothing is taking me down, down, down...

Except you my love. Except you my love...

Come all ye lost
Dive into moss
I hope that my sanity covers the cost
To remove the stain of my love

Come all ye reborn
Blow off my horn
I'm driving real hard
This is love, this is porn
God will forgive me
But I, I whip myself with scorn, scorn

I wanna hear what you have to say about me
Hear if you're gonna live without me
I wanna hear what you want
I remember december
And I wanna hear what you have to say about me
Hear if you're gonna live without me
I wanna hear what you want
What the hell do you want

announce freedom to all captives

Isaiah 61

The Spirit of God, the Master, is on me because God anointed me.

He sent me to preach good news to the poor,
heal the heartbroken,
Announce freedom to all captives,
pardon all prisoners.
God sent me to announce the year of his grace—
a celebration of God's destruction of our enemies—
and to comfort all who mourn,
To care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion,
give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes,
Messages of joy instead of news of doom,
a praising heart instead of a languid spirit.
Rename them "Oaks of Righteousness"
planted by God to display his glory.
They'll rebuild the old ruins,
raise a new city out of the wreckage.
They'll start over on the ruined cities,
take the rubble left behind and make it new.
You'll hire outsiders to herd your flocks
and foreigners to work your fields,
But you'll have the title "Priests of God,"
honored as ministers of our God.
You'll feast on the bounty of nations,
you'll bask in their glory.
Because you got a double dose of trouble
and more than your share of contempt,
Your inheritance in the land will be doubled
and your joy go on forever.

nothing turns out the way you wanted because you wanted nothing

smileee

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

lately i've felt so  satisfied. 

like, i've been happy and content with life. some things could be better, but why waste time concentrating on that? overall i'm really happy with everything happening to me. i know i'm stepping into a new season (or whatever you feel like calling it)  and i'm excited. i've got big dreams. and slowly i'm seeing them come alive. nothing major yet...more just thought...but they're coming; i promise. little things happen to spark interest in me.  i'm being vague and not going into detail. but thats actually for a reason. let your imagination run wild with what you might think has me in such high spirits...and why i'm thinking all my wildest dreams might come true...it's not a boy if thats what your thinking.

it's me

but i'm dropping the subject there.

so. be happy, please. be satisfied with your life. if it happens that you're not; then make changes to be that way. life is honestly too short to live it with regret or with stress or whatever the heck it is that keeps us unhappy, kay?

 anyways. i'm shutting up before this stats to make even less sense. 

unsaid

"Not that you're the one

Not to say I'm right 

Not to say today 

And not to say a thing tonight 

But suffice it to say 

We're leaving things unsaid 

We sing ourselves to sleep 

Watching the day lie down instead 

And we are leaving some things unsaid 

And we are breathing deeper instead 

We're both pretty sure 

Neither one can tell 

We seem difficult 

What we got is hard as hell 

A hundred thousand words could not quite explain 

So I walk you to your car And we can talk it out in the rain 

And we are leaving some things unsaid 

And we are breathing deeper instead 

And we are leaving some things unsaid 

I can sing myself to sleep 

No more 

No more

Not that you're the one 

Not to say I'm right 

Not to say today 

And not to say a thing tonight"

"i don't understand how you can be afraid of your own feelings"

i still get nervous, and i'm not entirely sure why.

i'm saying two different things here.but  really, they're so much the same

i realized i haven't posted anything from me lately.

strange. i've been into all these song lyrics lately.

but maybe thats because some random artist  can almost tell how i'm feeling better then i can, 

but this isn't the point. i really don't know what the point is, so excuse me while i ramble on until something somewhat intelligent  pops out

last night i was at this cd release thing. they sang this one song that really got me thinking.

i honestly can't remember a single lyric from it. but it was talking about names. like how we have actual names from God..like daughter, warrior, loved, faithful and whatnot.

i almost burst out crying.haha, because i was reminded of MY name.

God spoke it over me so many years ago, and i'd just forgotten about it.

anyways.

He calls me lioness.

you may find that stupid.

but think of me. insecurities and all:God called me lioness. how huge of an idiot can i be?

those  girls are like the primary hunters. without them, the pack dies! plus, they look classy doing it..

i have value.

this happened when i was probably about 12.

for 7 years i've been living in denial of this name. this calling, this destiny.

so yeah. thats where i'm at.

Father keeps doing silly little things to show me how He feels about me. and how i should feel about myself.

it's so beautiful to be able to place value on what i have to offer.

it's hard to explain. anyways...