oh the emotion

how do we ever know what we really want?

what we really like?

tonight i went to get some cottage cheese.... when i was younger the stuff disgusted me, but last year i started to eat it all the time. it had been some time since i'd had it. and i know that i loved it last time i had it. not anymore. i had about 3 bites, and i decided that i didn't like it. the stuff was awful. so, i let it sit on the counter. heres the killer: it looked sad and abandoned, so i decided to eat it. and i liked it. i enjoyed it.  five minutes earlier i felt sick just  thinking of it.

if i were to hang out with someone who really liked cottage cheese, and they talked about how superb it was, and they wanted me to eat it with them, i would. i would sit and discuss the beauty that is cottage cheese, i would eat, and i would enjoy. yet, if i was with someone who didn't like it. and the reminded me how disgusting it can be, my thoughts would sway to gross textures and funny taste, and i would proclaim my distaste for the junk. it's not because peoples opinions sway me. more i don't actually have my mind made up in favour for or against it yet.

how twisted is this!?

i can't even decided if i like a flipping dairy product. how am i supposed to make major decisions about my life?

choose a guy? am i gonna like his taste one day, the be repulsed by his texture the next? how about a job. i mean yeah, i can always get a new job. but not really. not if i go to school for something. you go to school to get good at something so you can spend your life doing it. how do i even decided? when pulling the cottage cheese from the fridge i had a battle trying to decided if i should have the 1% or the 2%

ugh

i shouldn't be stressing about all this. i'm "too young" to stress. but what if i screw up. what if i miss the big picture? what if i already have?

i'll still live a good life. i'll still find satisfaction, i'll be happy. but could i be happier? i know thinking about it wont make it any better, and really it doesn't matter. it's not like i'm going to know i missed out, right!? like. i'm not going to wake up one day and say "had  i made this choice, my life would be 5 times better right now", because thats not how life works. i'd find things that suck anyways.

hmmmmm.

all i have to say is damn you cottage cheese, i'm pretty sure i dislike you very much.

 (at least right now. give me five minutes and i'll feel differently, i'm sure)