peace

i've been feeling a bit stressed and on edge the past few days. i've simply been trying to hide it, and to let it all slide; hoping it'll all pass and that i can rest easy in a few days with everything all worked out.

so today my dads like "dara, what's on your mind? whats been stressing you out"

thank again rash hands, you always know when to make an appearance

Summing up: Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless—that's your job, to bless. You'll be a blessing and also get a blessing. Whoever wants to embrace life and see the day fill up with good, Here's what you do: Say nothing evil or hurtful; Snub evil and cultivate good; run after peace for all you're worth. God looks on all this with approval, listening and responding well to what he's asked; But he turns his back on those who do evil things.

tonight i went to calgary. (not that it actually  matters.)

i had a good discussion, and i learned a lot. such a much needed blessing

Running to the one who heals the blind
following the shinning light
In your hands the power to save the world, my life

Amazing how life turns out, the way that it does.
We end up hurting the worst, the only ones we really love.

Someday my pain, someday my pain
Will mark you
Harness your blame, harness your blame
And walk through
With the wild wolves around you
In the morning, I'll call you
Send it farther on
Solace my game, solace my game
It stars you
Swing wide your crane, swing wide your crane
And run me through
And the story's all over you
In the morning i'll call you
Can't you find a clue when your eyes are all painted Sinatra blue
What might have been lost -
Don't bother me

this is whats up

so, i'm super sick. i just feel like junk. i'm not one of those "faith healers" like i  think that no matter how much i say i'm fine, i'm not sick, i'll beat this thang;that i'll still be sick. i wont actually get better because of it. maybe it'll give me brighter spirits. but thats not where healing comes from. it's either  God, or the fact that my hot bod is just done being sick. so anyways. when i'm sick, i get all bummed out,and  i do a lot of sitting and listening and thinking. i do a lot of this often...but especially when i'm sick. stuff's gone down lately, and i know Father is faithful. Like, i'm stronger. my heart is stronger. ( i wish i knew i word better than stronger) anyways, it's all the makers deal. so He gets the credit.ask me sometime what he's been doing in my life. i bet you'll be surprised at how "strong" i'm getting :)

so anyways. this strength or whatever we want to call it; hasn't just come overnight. ohhhh lordy it's been a struggle, and it will be a struggle for a while longer. but anyways, i've been listening to my "oldie Father goldies". catchy i know. they're just the songs that had major impact on me. like worship songs or whatever. there is three of them. the lyrics are below...read. listen. have YOUR heart made stronger. i dare you. (number one and two alwayyyys make me cry)

I was dreaming of the holy city
I was wearing my wings
Then I looked up and saw a doorway to heaven
And I heard you calling me
Come up here, come up now
My beloved, my beloved
Come up here, come up now
My beloved, my beloved,
I wanna fly
like an eagle in the sky
I wanna fly
through that doorway in the sky
Here i come.
Don’t be afraid baby don’t you cry
Daddy’s here it will be all right
You’re not alone you’re not alone
Don’t be afraid when you’re cold at night
I will keep you warm I will hold you tight
You’re not alone you’re not alone
Look beyond the window there
To the sky above to the open air
Look beyond what you can see
Close your eyes and just believe
The lion roars and the lamb lays down
They live together in a whole new town
They’re calling me and they’re calling you
From the cold hard facts that we’re on our own
To the age old truth that we’re not alone
Don’t be afraid when you scrape your knee
I’ve got a band aide waiting and a kiss for free
You’re not alone you’re not alone
Don’t be afraid of your blind belief
Because the more you fly the more you’ll see
You’re not alone you’re not alone
Don’t be afraid little warrior bride
Your victory’s on the other side
You’re not alone you’re not alone

I'll Worship at Your Throne
Whisper my own love song
With all my heart I'll sing
For You my Dad and King
I'll live for all my days
To Put a smile on Your face
And when we finally meet
It'll be for eternity
And Oh how wide You open up Your arms
When I need Your love
And how far You would come
If ever I was lost
And You said that all You feel for me
Is undying love
That You showed me through the cross
I'll worship You my God
I'll worship You my God
I love You
I love You
Forever I will sing
Forever I will be with You
Be with You

i love everything about this.

If you walk away, I'll walk away
First tell me which road you will take
I don't want to risk our paths crossing someday
So you walk that way, I'll walk this way

And the future hangs over heads
And it moves with each current event
Until it falls all around like a cold, steady rain
Just stay in when it's looking this way

And the moon's laying low in the sky
Forcing everything metal to shine
And the sidewalk holds diamonds like a jewelry store case
They argue, walk this way, no, walk this way

And Laura's asleep in my bed
As I'm leaving, she wakes up and says
"I dreamed you were carried away on the crest of a wave
Baby, don't go away, come here"

And there's kids playing guns in the street
And one's pointing his tree branch at me
And so I put my hands up, I say, "Enough is enough
If you walk away, I'll walk away"

And he shot me dead

I found a liquid cure from my landlocked blues
It would pass the way like a slow parade
It's leaving, but I don't know how soon

And the world's got me dizzy again
You think after twenty-two years I'd be used to the spin
And it only feels worse when I stay in one place
So I'm always pacing around or walking away

I keep drinking the ink from my pen
And I'm balancing history books up on my head
But it all boils down to one quotable phrase
"If you love something, give it away"

A good woman will pick you apart
A box full of suggestions for your possible heart
But you may be offended, and you may be afraid
But don't walk away, don't walk away

We made love on the living room floor
With the noise in the background from a televised war
And in that deafening pleasure, I thought I heard someone say
"If we walk away, they walk away"

But greed is a bottomless pit
And our freedom's a joke, we're just taking a piss
And the whole world must watch the sad comic display
If you're still free, start running away

Because we're coming for you!

I've grown tired of holding this pose
I feel more like a stranger each time I come home
So I'm making a deal with the devils of fame
Saying, "Let me walk away, please"

You'll be free, child, once you have died
From the shackles of language and measurable time
And then we can trade places, play musical graves
Until then walk away, walk away, walk away

So I'm up at dawn
Putting on my shoes
I just want to make a clean escape
I'm leaving, but I dont know where to
I know I'm leaving, but I dont know where to

little metal

He will be
Your everything
All your answers; all your darkest questions
And in our hearts a light will shine always
And we'll never be the same.
All you have is your word,
And every passing beat of your heart.
Down into my heart; you became everything.
You became answers and you became all my darkest questions.
My everything
With all of my heart...

Hey unfaithful I will teach you
To be stronger, to be stronger
Hey unloving
I will love you
I will love you

beginning then end

God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand. 

I'm an open book to you; 

even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking. 

You know when I leave and when I get back; 

I'm never out of your sight. 

You know everything I'm going to say 

before I start the first sentence. 

I look behind me and you're there, 

then up ahead and you're there, too— 

your reassuring presence, coming and going. 

This is too much, too wonderful— 

I can't take it all in!

Investigate my life, O God, 

find out everything about me; 

Cross-examine and test me, 

get a clear picture of what I'm about; 

See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong— 

then guide me on the road to eternal life

i always thought kristen from laguna was stupid.
when she would be with stephen on night, then some other guy the next.
i'd be like "eff you. make up your mind"

i don't really think she was all that stupid anymore

You know you did it
I'm gone
To find someone to live for
In this world
There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight
Just a bridge that I gotta burn
You were wrong
If you think you can walk right through my door
That is just so you
Coming back when I've finally moved on
I'm already gone

Sometimes shattered
Never open
Nothing matters
When you're broken
That was me whenever I was with you
Always ending
Always over
Back and forth, up and down like a rollercoaster
I am breaking
That habit
Today

You know you did it
I'm gone
To find someone to live for
In this world
There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight
Just a bridge that I gotta burn
You were wrong
If you think you can walk right through my door
That is just so you
Coming back when I've finally moved on
I'm already gone

There is nothing you can say
Sorry doesn't cut it, babe
Take the hit and walk away
'Cause I'm gone
Doesn't matter what you do
It's what you did that's hurting you
All I needed was the truth
Now I'm gone

What you see's not what you get

a bit of my heart.

though things don't all go the way they should.

i know the heart of life is good.

Come riding on a rushing wind
Blow through our hair and touch our skin
I want to feel You now like I felt You then
Strip away my calloused heart
Set Your arrow hit Your mark
Bring me back to where love starts
Bring me back to where You are
Father I'm running Father I'm coming home
I cannot go on
Your child is running, Father I'm coming home
Back where I belong
I know You've heard this all before
When I'm down and crying on the floor
Saying I want You and nothing more
But I'm breaking in my heart tonight
I've tried to stand I've tried to fight
But I cannot see without Your light
No I cannot breathe without You
When I saw you I was ashamed
You were pure and I was stained
But You ran to me and You called my name
There were tears of joy upon Your face




God, there is gold hidden deep in the ground
God, there's a hangman that wants to come around
How we rise when we're born
like the ravens in the corn
on their wings, on our knees
crawling careless from the sea
God, give us love in the time that we have
God, there are guns growing out of our bones
God, every road takes us farther from home
All these men that you made
how we wither in the shade
of your trees, on your wings
we are carried to the sea
God, give us love in the time that we have

How do you bust the clouds

Press on your back been hanging in the air

I wanna scope you out

I wanna touch your mouth when you're up there

When are you coming back

Bird on a branch will come back home to sing

When are you coming back

Bringing it back and singing what you bring

How do you bust the clouds

Head on the ground and feeling what you've seen

I wanna scope you out

I wanna be your eyes and show you me

When are you coming back

When are you gonna burn that broken bed

When are you coming back

I wanna see you drifting overhead

really

Lately I've been wishing I had one desire
Something that would make me never want another
Something that would make it so that nothing mattered
All would be clear then

I told you to be patient

I told you to be fine

I told you to be balanced

I told you to be kind

In the morning I'll be with you

But it will be a different "kind"

I'll be holding all the tickets

And you'll be owning all the fine

Having spent your entire life exactly where you are tonight 

in the valley between intent and deed, you

must have mastered this, the fragile art of a good excuse, 

the little things that get you to believe.

That get you to believe.

So listen, I'm not trying to prove anything at all here, 

but don't you think that maybe, this time, you were wrong?

You've spent your entire life quick-tongued and always right. 

Hasn't being right just let you down?

Right just lets you down.

So listen, I'm not trying to say anything at all here.

There isn't much let, anyway, that hasn't been said.

But don't you think that possibly, this time, it's different? 

Don't you think that maybe, this time, you were wrong?

guys and dolls

maybe i feel pity. creeped out. intrigued. i'm not entirely sure
i watched all 5 parts and i really liked it

romeo save me

Moon pours through the ceiling tonight
embraces us tight
shows me we're right for each other
and as we lie here and let the world fade away
the sunrise tries to end it while we try to stay.
It's all about the first night and last,
some people say
well I love you so much more tonight,
more than yesterday.
The rest of my life can't compare to this night
and only the heartaches have given me sight,
they bring me to you,

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.

i'm bankrupt without love

Hang my locket around your neck,
wear my ring on your finger.
Love is invincible facing danger and death.
Passion laughs at the terrors of hell.
The fire of love stops at nothing—
it sweeps everything before it.
Flood waters can't drown love,
torrents of rain can't put it out.
Love can't be bought, love can't be sold—
it's not to be found in the marketplace
Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.
Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of his house for love,
it would be utterly scorned

I almost feel childish; because i always talk about love. love this, love that, love him, love her, God loves me blah, blah.i coud sit here are talk for hours on how we need to love people, and how my heart has been softened to try to love whenever possible. but thats not where i'm going right now. it's different love.

 Like, i honestly can't get over it. i'm beginning to think; to know, that this is why i was created. I get that i was created to have relationship with God...and for basically no other reason. i know that i'm called to love everyone.always.no questions. but lately this whole "love thing" has been consuming my every thought. i can't even begin to comprehend unconditional love. it's like forever. (when i die. i'm with God,loving Him, worshiping Him, breathing Him, everything Him FOREVER. never ending. it hurts to think about) well, unconditional love it just the same.i'm never going to understand it, i can't comprehend it. but it's mine. There is a love that is stronger than death. Holy flip. 

my creator is love. 

on the flip side.

He needs me  to love Him. i don't think He's a needy God, really. but i think he almost longs for my love.he's jealous for me. when i give other things my attention, my heart, my love; it stirs up his heart. because he has this desire to be the centre of my universe.

He wont relent until my heart is His.

end of story. 

do you get it?

go listen to "how he loves" until you do. because eyes honestly need to be opened to this love thing.

I drink good coffee every morning
Comes from a place that's far away
And when I'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say
I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
That if I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
I'm no longer moved to drink strong whisky
'Cause I shook the hand of time and I knew
That if I lived till I could no longer climb my stairs
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
Your face it dances and it haunts me
Your laughter's still ringing in my ears
I still find pieces of your presence here
Even after all these years
But I don't want you thinking I don't get asked to dinner
'Cause I'm here to say that I sometimes do
Even though I may soon feel the touch of love
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
If I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

the scary part is, when i saw this i thought of someone i never thought i'd think of.

In the quiet, in the stillness

I know that You are God

In the secret of Your presence

I know there I am restored

When You call I won’t refuse

Each new day again I’ll choose

There is no one else for me

None but Jesus

Crucified to set me free

Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion

I know You’re Sovereign still

In the moment of my weakness

You give me grace to do Your will

When You call I won’t delay

This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord

All of my hope, all of my strength

All my delight is in You Lord Forevermore

good

heres a little gift.
this site has the newest phil wickham cd. for free! it doesn't really have any new material on it. but it's a mixture of his first two cd's. it's live. sometimes i hate live; sometimes i love it. this I love. i think the entire thing is really well done and worth checking out
my choices that you must hear are number Beautiful. Divine Romance , and true love


plus. it's sunday.
don't forget to check out postsecret

love.love.love

search high and low. do whatever it takes to find music by this man.
honestly.
this song is the title song from the cd. it's slightly amazing. my favourite is "such beauty" but i can't out up a video because youtube won let me. i also suggest "keep me", "fully loved", "made to love", "everything good" and "always good" oh and "you are"
SO THE ENTIRE FLIPPING CD

i'm starting to like new things.
here is a site that caught my attention take a look.

ENJOY

i'm disgusted

thank you for having so much class

yes, please

oh my gosh. these songs are on my top list of greatest songs in the world.
i'm not kidding.
love.love.adore.swoooooon(atbryanadams).love

glass of water

just listen

Time to think, before I make mistakes
That part of me left yesterday
The heart of me is strong today
No regrets I'm blessed to say
The old me dead and gone away

And oh
I've been travelin' on this road too long
Im just tryna find my way back home
The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone, dead and gone

when i fall in love,
it will be forever.

or i'll never fall in love.

when i give my heart,
it will be completely.

or i'll never give my heart

divine romance

I think I figured it out
We need to be together
Like the shore and the sea
We are not one thing
We're drawn here together
My ocean and me

but how did you know?

goodbye

Everyone has their someone who broke their heart
Everybody has their somebody who brought them to their knees
Bent so far they broke and stood straighter for it
Now only a crack of pain in varnished eyes
A holding back of heart and arms
I sing for those who lost first loves
For every time someone said "I'm not ready"
Who made us become those who are never ready
Still finger clinging on a cliff in the past
It's time to see for what it is fading into oblivion
The fog of memories engulf but the future's still bright
Hope paints the picture with life scenery
She was the one who missed you a thousand times a day until she said it's over, goodbye
Leaving you to crawl out a basement window at three in the morning and scream to the sky
He was the one who called you baby until he called one night to say I'm leaving, goodbye
While your desperation called for help as you fell far into a tangle that lasted far too long
She talked to you every night, made you think you had a change until you took it and she ignored it, forgot to say goodbye
He drove you around in his car, talking random facts and blasting the tunes, until after a year, there's another in your place, no goodbye
The music drows all out
Humming lights blind the pain
Until you learn to stand alone again
The world keeps moving and we all turn on
Carrying a part of the one who took your heart first, goodbye

courtney bates wrote this. i liked it. lots