prayer mountain

1.find a good location to pray
2.get into your prayer position
3.prepare for prayer
4.begin the prayer
5.end the prayer

i was praying for a friends dad last night. and it sort of hit me...is there a "wrong" way to pray. i mean, i know how i pray...and i know how Jesus taught us to pray and such, but i guess i moreso got curious to see how the rest of the world prayed.
what i got is a whole lot of steps. do this, do that, sit here, eat this. don't say this, remain focused for at least this long. it's ridiculous. YES, structure is good. but, some sources made it seem like God wont listen unless you're doing it "just like this"

apparently there are certain ways to "get the best results out of your prayer" or "getting your prayers answered" i guess the big step here, is to focus, or meditate on the end result. so much to the point where you are getting mental images and pictures.
i've been trusting God for a few years of my life. for such a long time i wanted dreams and visions..i wanted mental pictures; but i never really got them. so basically. i'm being told my prayers can't get answered because i can't recieve a God ordained image of what the end result will be. HOW DEPRESSING
once the mental images comes, we pray until we have assurance that God has fulfilled what we're praying for.
my gosh.
i do believe in faith. and how all things are possible. but if i had to sit and pray until i was positive God had moved in the situation the way i was praying for Him to, i think i'd still be praying for my dead goldfish to come back to life from 6 years
ago.
i guess i sort of get it. like focus on what the point really is. are we praying for someones knee to be better, or is it something much bigger. maybe all the steps aren't so whacked out.
i don't konw. i'm just confusing myself.
al i really know, is Father longs for intimacy with us. and i really think that prayer can be such a key part of reaching that.
it shouldn't be this much of a mess in my mind. and it's not. i just can't put into words what i'm thinking.

I have given Jacob's generation the key of David, intimacy
To open up the doorway to the nations, and release
Revelation, of intimacy, with me

Be still and know that I am God.
Be still and know that I am.
Be still and know.
Be still.
Be.
Be.
Be.
Because Be is the beginning of Beginning,
and Be is the beginning of Believing,
and Be is the beginning of Belonging,
and Be is the beginning of Becoming,
and Be is the beginning of Behaving,
You're trying so hard to behave but I'm not going to let you until you learn how to Be.
I'm not going to let you even behave right until you learn to Be.
It's the beginning of Behaving.
Be is the beginning of Beloved. And you are my beloved.
You are my beloved.
Be with me.

....having or showing a lack of common sense

sorry, big bird

being a fan of time-consuming surverys and pointless writings, i found this article rather humerous. on a completely different note; heres another article. this one is good. (if you're interested in the muppets......)

it's obviously been a long night.

All my fears swept away
In the light of your embrace
When Your love is all I need
And forever I am free
Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence healed and whole
Let these songs of heaven rise to you alone
No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suff'ring You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sickening
No hiding You hold me now,
You hold me now

Oh You bring hope to the hopeless
And light to those in the darkness
And death to life Now I’m alive
Oh You give peace to the restless
And joy to homes that are broken

I see You now In You I’m found
Oh You fill those who are empty
And rescue those in the valley
And through it all You calm my soul
Oh You find me in my weakness
And heal the wounds of my heartache

the new united album is so good.

 so good in fact; you don't even need to own the previous one, because this one trumps it. :) 

Abba (the relevant one)

Where am I now this desert so familiar
This loneliness has scarred me before
Is this where You're found or is this where You have brought me
Your voice no longer can I ignore
My heart lies in pieces
Please pick me up and put me back together again
Like only You can
Abba Abba
You're like water to this soul
Abba I need You
Cause I've got no where else to go
Is that You there whispering so softly
And calming all the madness inside
All I have I bare and it still amounts to nothing
But You're telling me it's ok to cry
Now I now lie in pieces
But this brokenness is all You ever wanted from me
So You can take control
In Your sanctuary's where I long to be
For this desperate heart has found no better place
Than to be found in You

Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:
They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.
None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

all i want in the whole wide world is You

She shuts out the night
Tries to close her eyes
If she can find daylight
Shell be all right
Shell be all right
Just not tonight

And she says oooh
I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can't help her now
Shes down in it
She tried her best and now she can't win it's
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

the state of peaceful happiness

i've been realizing a few things. living in a world thats so task orientated, and so focused on where you're going, or what you'll become, you lost track of what's important. 

i work a full time job that i like. i didn't take any schooling, or special training to get this job. it's not going to be my entire future, but it's okay for now. but thats the problem, for some reason, the word "okay" has turned into "not good enough."..maybe even "YUCKIE"  i've felt like, since i didn't go to school, i missed out (i realize i can still go to school, but i can't see that happening anytime soon) when i tell people i'm not in school, nor do i plan on going to school anytime soon, i feel ashamed. like they are throwing little judgmental rocks at me for being lazy or something. i don't have long-term life goals, but i've been okay with that. until i woke up and thought WAIT A SECOND, hold the phone, oh my gosh,my life sucks. how can i be satisfied with this? just living day by day. not really going anywhere.God obviously didn't create me for this.

so. i changed. i became unsettled. i started to look for something to do.

thus. my plan for next january.(keep reading, i'm not going just to do something with my life. i woke up from that stupidity)

okay. so. i mentioned this january plan to a good friend. you know what she said? she said "i'm so proud of you for doing something with your life, i prayed this would happen, and that you'd be satisfied" i also told the man i once had a crush on (gag-me) and he said "ah, dara, i'm proud of you for finding something to do with your life"

of course, i felt goo about myself. look at me, doing something with my life. having a goal. going somewhere. accomplishing. things, obvioulsy listening to God, not missing out on the finer things of life, content AND satisfied. TAKE THAT  lame people who work full time  for a living...

thats the sick twisted  person i'd turned into.

i lost the happy-cutie-pie-umbrella-girl Dara who was simply satisfied with her life. 

for the sake of my ego, i'm going to blame this switch on the evils of the world. pushing for bigger things, better lives, more money, prettier bodies. blah,blah,blah.

God told me to give it up.

why the heck should someone be proud of me for "finding something to do with my life?"

why do i have to find something to do with my life? 

i honestly think God, my Father, is super proud of me for being content. for finding satisfaction in my life. i'm not a go-go-go person. thats okay! i don't have to be. i don't have life long goals? WHO THE FLIP CARES? i can still be satisfied with what i have. God's still impressed with what i'm doing. it's not like i'm "not doing anything with my life," just because i work a full time job that i got without going to school.

i almost thought that getting a plan for my life would make me happy. but thats not how it works. my life has to make me happy. (does that make sense?) our future is like any other worldy posession. it's the same as money, or power or beauty. we don't need more. we need to find satisfaction in what God's given, in what we have.

i'm not saying going to school is bad. not at all. i'm just saying the world is wrong to think one can't be content with a simple life.

we create such ideals. thinking "ohhhhh my days, i can't wait until i'm in this place. i can't wait till i'm doing this with my life, then it'll be good.then i'll be really happy i'll be livin' the life." heres some news for you. YOU'RE LIVIN' THE LIFE RIGHT MEOW. when you leave Canada, your not suddenly going to get a new life. it's all the same. wake up. don't waste time looking toward a fake ideal.

again,i'm not trying to be a bummer. make goals, get excited, be love (figured i'd throw that puppy in there)...but don't forget where you are. don't ever forget that.

my mom blessed me so much last night. she told me that she was proud of me for being content with my life. for not forcing myself to do something i didn't want to do, or for doing something just to say i did it.

that, to me, felt to right.

Don't be obsessed with getting more material things. Be relaxed with what you have. Since God assured us, "I'll never let you down, never walk off and leave you

I'm not going to school.

so what!? i've got a good job. i'm satisfied. i'm happy.

yeah, i think i'll continue with my Januaary plan. but it's not so i can  look back and say that i did something with my life. because, i am already doing things with my life. i'm living in the plans God has for me. He can use me the same here as he will in australia, or Florida of space. 

and really, i'm content with that

I think my life is going to be okay.

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me
The LORD will accomplish what concerns me
Finish what you started in me, God
The Lord will perfect that which concerns me
The Lord will work out his plans for my life
Lord, you do everything for me
Lord, you will do everything you have planned for me
The LORD will vindicate me
Jehovah will perfect what concerneth me
El Señor cumplirá en mí su propósito

(psalm 138:8a)

each of us is an origional

Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you.
I am emphatic about this. The moment any one of you submits to circumcision or any other rule-keeping system, at that same moment Christ's hard-won gift of freedom is squandered. I repeat my warning: I suspect you would never intend this, but this is what happens. When you attempt to live by your own religious plans and projects, you are cut off from Christ, you fall out of grace. Meanwhile we expectantly wait for a satisfying relationship with the Spirit. For in Christ, neither our most conscientious religion nor disregard of religion amounts to anything. What matters is something far more interior: faith expressed in love.
It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don't use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that's how freedom grows. For everything we know about God's Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That's an act of true freedom. If you bite and ravage each other, watch out—in no time at all you will be annihilating each other, and where will your precious freedom be then?
My counsel is this: Live freely, animated and motivated by God's Spirit. Then you won't feed the compulsions of selfishness. For there is a root of sinful self-interest in us that is at odds with a free spirit, just as the free spirit is incompatible with selfishness. These two ways of life are antithetical, so that you cannot live at times one way and at times another way according to how you feel on any given day. Why don't you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law-dominated existence?
It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on.

 If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God's kingdom.
But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely
Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way. Among those who belong to Christ, everything connected with getting our own way and mindlessly responding to what everyone else calls necessities is killed off for good—crucified.
Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That  means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. 

LOVE. (think it through)

every question
every answer too
ever constant
ever changing you
it's all memory in the sun
or it's all in the darkness

maybe it's all around to see
if we try
and maybe it's been inside of me
all this time

crazy with it
crazier without
never certain
never full of doubt
now you feel it
now you don't
do you know what you're feeling

where did it come from and where
does it go
if it were right in front of me
would i know

I'm worried that the purpose is
How I look, not how I lived
Let's get dolled up and play pretend
Cause nothing stays honest when
Every thought is cursed with intent
A pulse covered in skin and words covered in lips

The taste of regret as it leaves your stomach
Coating your tongue with every noun
Watery eyes the only thing that makes sense now

Spitting your insides out

Start over
Start over

Every creature on earth has approximately two billion heartbeats to spend in a lifetime. You can spend them slowly, like a tortoise, and live to be two hundred years old, or spend them fast, like a hummingbird, and live to be two years old.

Side-stepped land mines
And working-class attitudes.
Let's go.
This is a love song.
Deal with it. Deal with it. Deal with... it.
(And I will)
I will
(Beat my fist against my chest)
My chest, against my chest
(If only to prevent my heart from beating for you)
Beating... for you, for you.
(This new season brings with it songs of hope)
Songs of hope!
(You can't leave me waist-high wading all alone)
Things
(I know there is somewhere I can go)
I don't understand are the most interesting
(Where no one knows)
Like zero, and eraserhead.
(My name)
(And I still)
I still
(Remember the sound of your voice)
Sound of, of your voice
(Do you think I would call just to hear you breathe?)
Hear you breathe.
(Just to hear you breathe)

so, tonight i was downloading some new music. just my regular chill stuff. but i have this dirty habit of being tempted by the lame music. not that there is anything wrong with said "lame" music, it's just not what i generally listen to again and again. anyways, i got this new jordin sparks song...called battlefield. haha. this has become a song that i listen to again and again. it's not even a song i really relate to..it's like take a bow, or Halo...songs by not my regular faves, but songs on repeat on my ipod because they're like anthems or something.

anyways, i got the most recent carolina liar album which came out early last year i belive, but i'm rather enjoying it.
also got some new mstrkrft...which is fantastic, as expected

i was trying to go to "facebook.com"
i accidentally typed something wrong.
i just saw pornnnnnnnn

perfection

on thursday night i bawled my eyes out!!
i've been waiting so many years for this wedding to take place. it caught me off guard and i cried.
i've watched it about 6 times over. and i still cry. i can't even explain it.
i feel so lame. it's just a t.v. show.....but i'm so attatched.
beware...if izzie dies next week i will be sadder than sad
so good.so so good. so good.

surprise surprise

people tend to surprise.
you think you have things sorted
then it all gets shattered.
but, we realize how twisted out thoughts were
everything starts to looking bright again.
content finally settles in.
then whammy. suprise surprise.
people change and you realize maybe you were wrong and foolish all along.
or maybe you're just desperate for something to cling to.

So many ways, but you don't ever see 'em coming

Staggering aimless on a ribbon pulled for miles

Too many states, too many animalistic neon blinking days

Blurred into shades that quote the terror of your eyes rolling in place

And all you really want is to see straight