the state of peaceful happiness

i've been realizing a few things. living in a world thats so task orientated, and so focused on where you're going, or what you'll become, you lost track of what's important. 

i work a full time job that i like. i didn't take any schooling, or special training to get this job. it's not going to be my entire future, but it's okay for now. but thats the problem, for some reason, the word "okay" has turned into "not good enough."..maybe even "YUCKIE"  i've felt like, since i didn't go to school, i missed out (i realize i can still go to school, but i can't see that happening anytime soon) when i tell people i'm not in school, nor do i plan on going to school anytime soon, i feel ashamed. like they are throwing little judgmental rocks at me for being lazy or something. i don't have long-term life goals, but i've been okay with that. until i woke up and thought WAIT A SECOND, hold the phone, oh my gosh,my life sucks. how can i be satisfied with this? just living day by day. not really going anywhere.God obviously didn't create me for this.

so. i changed. i became unsettled. i started to look for something to do.

thus. my plan for next january.(keep reading, i'm not going just to do something with my life. i woke up from that stupidity)

okay. so. i mentioned this january plan to a good friend. you know what she said? she said "i'm so proud of you for doing something with your life, i prayed this would happen, and that you'd be satisfied" i also told the man i once had a crush on (gag-me) and he said "ah, dara, i'm proud of you for finding something to do with your life"

of course, i felt goo about myself. look at me, doing something with my life. having a goal. going somewhere. accomplishing. things, obvioulsy listening to God, not missing out on the finer things of life, content AND satisfied. TAKE THAT  lame people who work full time  for a living...

thats the sick twisted  person i'd turned into.

i lost the happy-cutie-pie-umbrella-girl Dara who was simply satisfied with her life. 

for the sake of my ego, i'm going to blame this switch on the evils of the world. pushing for bigger things, better lives, more money, prettier bodies. blah,blah,blah.

God told me to give it up.

why the heck should someone be proud of me for "finding something to do with my life?"

why do i have to find something to do with my life? 

i honestly think God, my Father, is super proud of me for being content. for finding satisfaction in my life. i'm not a go-go-go person. thats okay! i don't have to be. i don't have life long goals? WHO THE FLIP CARES? i can still be satisfied with what i have. God's still impressed with what i'm doing. it's not like i'm "not doing anything with my life," just because i work a full time job that i got without going to school.

i almost thought that getting a plan for my life would make me happy. but thats not how it works. my life has to make me happy. (does that make sense?) our future is like any other worldy posession. it's the same as money, or power or beauty. we don't need more. we need to find satisfaction in what God's given, in what we have.

i'm not saying going to school is bad. not at all. i'm just saying the world is wrong to think one can't be content with a simple life.

we create such ideals. thinking "ohhhhh my days, i can't wait until i'm in this place. i can't wait till i'm doing this with my life, then it'll be good.then i'll be really happy i'll be livin' the life." heres some news for you. YOU'RE LIVIN' THE LIFE RIGHT MEOW. when you leave Canada, your not suddenly going to get a new life. it's all the same. wake up. don't waste time looking toward a fake ideal.

again,i'm not trying to be a bummer. make goals, get excited, be love (figured i'd throw that puppy in there)...but don't forget where you are. don't ever forget that.

my mom blessed me so much last night. she told me that she was proud of me for being content with my life. for not forcing myself to do something i didn't want to do, or for doing something just to say i did it.

that, to me, felt to right.

Don't be obsessed with getting more material things. Be relaxed with what you have. Since God assured us, "I'll never let you down, never walk off and leave you

I'm not going to school.

so what!? i've got a good job. i'm satisfied. i'm happy.

yeah, i think i'll continue with my Januaary plan. but it's not so i can  look back and say that i did something with my life. because, i am already doing things with my life. i'm living in the plans God has for me. He can use me the same here as he will in australia, or Florida of space. 

and really, i'm content with that