ohhh the memories

for me this is heaven

oh my oh my oh my
how more perfect for me can something get? i mean honestly

life is beautiful, yo

don't be a slut

it's so much deeper than just "saving yourself" because really, if you're "saving yourself" just to "save yourself" you're really just going to "lose yourself."

not even kidding.

it's not all about rules and guidelines.

give yourself some credit and start to value what you have.

"save yourself", please. but not because you're supposed to.

because you want to.

unbreak the broken hearts

oh em gee, guys. oh em gee

i am in love with the newest regina Spektor album. simple stunning.

BEE PLUS [B+]

self evaluation time.
ever do this? it's so refreshing and disheartening at the same time. because you have to look at where you are, where you were, and where you'd like to be.

shall we begin?

honestly, i've grown so so much lately. it's not like "oh gosh, i've gotten mature and sensitive" more like, i'm becoming a woman. a real woman. hard to believe, i know. i've gotten some independence, but i think that just comes with age and life experience, nothing too thrilling. what is thrilling though, is that i gained some confidence. i'm learning to believe i have value. i always say " i used to hate myself" thats really me just being annoyingly vague. it's not that i hated myself. i just didn't think i had anything worth liking about myself, right? i honestly thought i had no value. everyone was only nice to me because they felt sorry for me, i wasn't pretty (not ugly, just nothing remotely beautiful about myself to offer) my personality was somewhat of a dud, my opinion didn't really matter.
God has basically taken all those insecurities and said "lie,lie,lie,lie,lie,lie"
and you know what? i believe Him.
sorry folks, i do have value. and sometimes i can be damn funny.
i wear my bangs back!!!!! (this is amazing)

i don't have a big ego or anything. i just know God made me so unique, and i bring things to the table noone else can. i honestly can't tell you how liberating it feels to sit here and know people love me. oh my jesus; halleluijah! i think God had been teaching me so much about loving everyone all this time, so i can understand love. so i can realize i'm loved. so good.so good. so good.
obviously i'm not 100%. healed. is that possible? maybe thats the wrong word, because when you are healed, you are healed. maybe i AM healed, it's just taking a little longer for some scars to disappear or something (okay, i'm done trying to be poetic or whatever) yes, i've gotten some confidence. i can look in the mirror and believe what i see is beautiful. but i have problems believing thats what everyone else can see. so maybe i don't reall believe it myself? something somewhere along the line is still no in order. but really, it's all good in the hood. no more hating myself.

okay. what else.what else, what else.
looking at old journals, i often talked about repetition, like "jesus, i'm tired of having to ask for forgivness for this issure." or "God, i know i promised this time i'd read my bible for real, this time the change would come from my heart and i would really be living my life all for you..."but that never happened. i'm sad to report nothing has changed there. but really, i think i've given up on running back everytime something is wrong...and i think i'm not running back, because i've got nowhere to run, he's right in front of me. i'm less focused on doing everything perfect in God's eyes, i'm more focused on the fact that i'm in Hs eyes...if that makes sense.

i'm talking to my brother on facebook right now. about relationships! haha. he just got out of a doosie, and his attitude is hilarious, i'm actually learning a lot. thats something else new with me. i talk with my brother. like we're having conversations. we never used to, it was so awkward...now that i'm becoming interested in older men though, it's easier for me!! (thats a joke. sort of? i'm not really sure anymore)

i can get over things! BREAKTHROUGH!
who ever thought the day would come when the neverending crush- or creep- or whatever the heck i had would end! it's funny, because i feel like i "tried" to get over it for so long i guess i probably didn't actually want it to end, but i wanted it to calm at least) then BOOM one day i'm over it, not even taking a look back. relief.relief.relief. i just pray it's not a cycle. i'd like to put creep Dara to res for eternity.

well. i really want to continue. there are many topics i've yet to cover. but it's definitely bed time
all in all. i think i'm doing okay. of course, i'm not perfect. but thats nothing new.

you are fragile

oh be careful little heart what you believe

<3

okay. this has been my ultimate fav music video for some time now. but not just because it's cute or anything. to me,the truth of the video mixed with the song has such a strong meaning. i'm not going to go into detail. just watch, and get what you want out of it. just think deeper than a man who not-there...then there.

you don't need a broken heart to know a heart can be broken

I have dreams of orca whales and owls 
But I wake up in fear 
You will never be my 
You will never be my fool 
Will never be my fool

Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
To me, to me, to me...

I should've known this wasn't real
And fought it off and fought to feel
What matters most? Everything
That you feel while listening to every word that I sing.
I promise you I will bring you home
I will bring you home.

the rule for all of us is perfectly simple. do not waste time bothering whether you "love" your neighbour, act as if you did, as soon as we do this, we find one of the gretaest secrets. when you are behaving as if you love someone, yu will presently come to love him. if you injure someone you dislike, you will find yourself disliking him more. if you do him a good turn, you will find yourself disliking him less

i think i've been somewhat of a failure in this area lately.

I think:

when i think i am strong, i become vulnerable.
because i think i'm invincible.
almost like i forget reality exists.
so really, in my strength; i suffer my strongest weaknesses

are you trying to be the next Mary Magdalene or something?

honestly?
get real

OH LOOK! A THEME

run baby run

sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way

amen.

i have a great deal of things i'd love to say.

but i think i'll refrain.

life is good.

i think facebook is about to kick me out or something. i use an e-mail that doesn't actually exist, and they have found out, and are pestering me about it...telling me to "verify it" it's super hard to verify something that doesn't exist. blogger is doing the same thing.

shoot. i thought i was a genius or something.

my favourite scripture shows what God's showing me better then any words i try to say..

 I've picked you. I haven't dropped you.'
Don't panic. I'm with you. 
   There's no need to fear for I'm your God.
I'll give you strength. I'll help you. 
   I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.

 Count on it: Everyone who had it in for you 
   will end up out in the cold— 
   real losers.
Those who worked against you 
   will end up empty-handed— 
   nothing to show for their lives.
When you go out looking for your old adversaries 
   you won't find them—
Not a trace of your old enemies, 
   not even a memory.
That's right. Because I, your God, 
   have a firm grip on you and I'm not letting go.
I'm telling you, 'Don't panic. 
   I'm right here to help you

i've always wanted a tattoo, and lately i can't get it off my mind.it'll be so simple, because deep down, i'm a simple girl. i've got a few things on my mind...just basic things God is teaching me, but we shall wait to  see what ink my body will hold in the future i suppose

consider this

i guess we're all one phone call from our knees

true words

Beauty has nothing to do with what you are (your size, shape or appearance), but who you are. You are a daughter of the King, a child of the Most High, and a princess of the living God. You are beautiful because it is who God created you to be. You can hide your beauty, you can exploit it, you can belittle it, but you can never get rid of it because God made it the essence of every girl and every woman

dear jesus

please help me to gain control of my emotions...or my raging hormones (whichever is my problem). And please never let me see an old mans little pete as he pees on the side of the road.one more thing; i don't want to see isaac's identical twin ever again. thank you so much
amen

what a show

reserve

The music is muted, but I’m still humming the tune that reminds me of you
Sleepy eyes in the open air, the simple smell of spring awakens old thoughts
And ghosts appear to achieve a level of fear that I’ve forgotten amidst miles of memories
This gap has finally been achieved, and I’m forgetting ethereality
The perfect place, and the perfect example of hoping for so much
And I’m sick of the immoral, the thieves who steal you away from me
It’s time to take flight, and my faithless wings falter under this burden
Twists and turns have stolen my sight, is yours so clear that you’ve lost sight of me?
I’m a blur in this world, my thoughts and dreams recreating a new picture
But it’s a forgery, the perfect crime committed unconsciously with the purest note
It’s been far too long since I’ve decided to achieve something great
This universal shine has been spotlighting, and the stars are crashing together
All for you, I’ll lasso the moon and hide my eyes to connect with you
Letters scrawled, not for you, but for me, and the feelings that have held on
Expressions, emotions, feelings, I’m just a boy that’s decided to be with you
Regardless of the white houses and thousands of miles that decide to end what we’ve began
Colored balloons, and picnics in open spots, this is our resting place
And I end where I began


Joshua Frost

to my best friend; with love

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

 

 

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain

We all have sorrow

But if we are wise

We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong

And I'll be your friend

I'll help you carry on

For it won't be long

'Til I'm gonna need

Somebody to lean on

(hahahahahahaha)

i'm going a little overboard here.

you know i love you, right?

cyccles

noun-

a series of events that are regularly repeated in the same order; any complete round or series of occurrences that repeats or is repeated.

synonyms:

 circuit, orbit, round, tour, circle, alteration 

otherwise known as: my life

If the fire's out baby, How you gonna keep me warm?
Supposing you let me, with the door wide open no one can leave

I know its a lie, I want it to be true
The rest of the ride is riding on you
Over goodbyes we'll buy some place

For wishing you could
Keep me close

no, i'm not involved in a stable sexual relationship

today, my manager asked me why i don't live with my boyfriend....i had to explain that i don't have a boyfriend.(i left out the minor detail that i've never had one...i don't need pity from the Romanian boss) she seemed surprised "oh, really! i always thought you did"
she assumed, didn't she? i'm almost 20...so i should be in a relationship, or i should be miserable...or better yet, i shouoldn't have a full time job in an office, my full time job should be searching for my soul-mateeeee...
uh oh. Dara's an oddball.

i think i have an idea of what is screwing me over.
but i don't mind

wolf jacob should be BIGGER