the carpet cleaners are coming tomorrow, which really has nothing to do with anything; but because of this, i had to clean my room. like take stuff from under my bed and put it on top of my bed....so they can clean the carpet obviously. anyways, i found my "memory box"....maybe it's more appropriate if i say i found my "slap in the face box"
anyone have a memory box?
i strongly suggest you have one, but i also suggest you never look at the contents until you are old. and strong.
let me explain.
there are the obvious memories... concert tickets, random cards, things i bought for a memory that i will never ever use for anything....the odd cd cover (mainly the ones with poster that i'd never want to see in the garbage: hawk nelson...laguna beach...) i found my first credit card statement..HAHA that was depressing, because i've never seen a "balance owed" that low since. .but there are the not so obvious ones.... while i've never really had a "relationship", i've had relationships...like there has been guys in my life... apparently guys who like to write letters...give me photos and different things...since i'm such an emotion whore (NOT and emoitional whore..and emotion one) , i kept it all. i'm too young to have to read it all..see all the nice things guys will say before they "change there mind"...silly silly boys. it put A LOT of "what if" thoughts into my head. ha. i'm sure the universe wanted me married off to someone by now....oopsie.
i also have letters from friends. friends who were supposed to be in my life forever. best friends forever, right? it's sad how things always change. i think there is a phrase about how the only thing inevitable is change....sooooooo true. the people that had such a strong impact on my life two years ago are not even my facebook friends anymore, but the words they spoke and the truth they brought into my life are still impacting me.
okay...again, along the lines of slap in the face.....
i had some God stuff in there. some "dara shit" i guess you could say. the hopes and goals i had for myself both spiritual and lifestyle things. funny how what i once thought was so important over time fades into something not so important. actually, it's not funny at all. because it starts with something small, then suddenly i'm making excuses for everything. this really has nothing to do with anything important right now.
just don't lose sight of who you are. or who your are meant to be. who Father has destined for you to be. because losing sight of that changes everything.
sometimes i compare myself to other people. well, let me rephrase. sometimes i compare my life to other peoples lives. like i look at my steady, stable contentness and i wonder if it's wrong. i never want to have to roam the corners of the earth looking for happiness or satisfaction, i always want to find it where i am, with who i am. and i think so far i'm okay there. but sometimes...just sometimes...i look at other people and think maybe i've got it alllllllllllllll wrong. i suppose this is just typical doubt. maybe it's the devil? maybe it's just my sinful nature to want what i don't have.
i actually just took a break and was reading THE WORDDDDDD. i went to a section that one of my letters from my box told me to read.
anyways, i read a little bit from second timothy, it talks about doing your best for God, and not being ashamed of what you are doing. thats what i made it say anyways (sometimes i minipulate to see what i want to see)
so i guess that covers all the problems i was just having, yes? YES!
kind of along the same line... 'Marchin on' by one republic has become sort of my anthem...as of today! i'm glad it came into my life today. i needed it, crazy as it sounds.
i'm going to leave now. long posts are pointless. maybe i'll go read some more letters, live in the land of "what if" for just a little longer.
maybe i'll put it all behind me, lie on my bed and listen to my song on repeat until i sort out my current problems instead.
love. (duh)
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