i learnt a few things. many of which i've already shared.i tend to share with the world wide web as i learn. maybe i'll start updating my facebook status every five seconds. then absolutely everyone i know will know all my deepest thought. ...i'm thinking of a certain loverboy... teehee *shifts eyes so not as to look stupid**....YEAH. i'll be a bigger hit than i already am.
i realized that God is good. God is ALWAYS good. nothing changes that. and no matter how many times i think i've grasped it, i haven't. i can't understand how good He really is. i understand that "of course it's easy for you to say God is good, what bad thing has he ever done to you?..." but alas, i Dara Rael Decksheimer have issues. yes, i'm not perfect. i'm not blaming God, because God is good. i'm blaming my lack of faith. not to say that anything bad that happens happens because you don't believe in God, so He punished you...i'm not saying that at all. but i'll admit, i've had it pretty easy thus far. but i've still had problems, and Father, in His goodness is guiding me through. it's not like i don't struggle. sometimes being stable and so sure about things is hard. i feel like a hypocrite lots. i feel so strong about some things, yet the line can get foggy if i need it to. i wish i could blame that on human nature, well i suppose i can; but thats not right at all. i can't take everything wrong i do and say i couldn't help it. or it's fun. noooo biggie. because thats not the life of love i'm called to live. a God as good as mine didn't create me to live out of my "human nature" flesh. say "no" to fleshy ways. they corrupt the deepest longing of our soul. trust me.
speaking of deepest longing of our soul.....love.love.love.love.love
passionate unmistakably beautiful love.
it's nothing less than that. but it's so so so much more.
i'm still really excited to fall in love with a boytoy. but it's not important. i know at one point it was. i have read so many "womans issues" books these past few years, it's disgusting. they all talk about how we don't need a man. we don't need to date, lets all court and meet our husband when we are 20, but until then, realize that Jesus is your prince chamring, and he is your boyfriend, and your fiance. i guess the idea is good. kinda like don't lose hope, having a husband isn't all that this life is about. find yourself in God first. but i found reading this again and again became somewhat depressing. i can't learn ina book how to be content with myself. how to give up all that i am and live only in God's embrace. i mean, i can get step by step guidelines, but it's not what creates change in me. i get that everyone is different, and maybe these: woman rule, boys suck, we don't need you, we have jesus book really do help people.i just realized things. some from books some from life i get that everyday i am single. every moment i'm not with a "partner" i'm growing, i'm learning. i'm becoming the best woman i can possibly be. so really, the longer i wait, the better i'll get. i am praying i get good at cooking, or cleaning, or laundry..or driving..you know, typical wife stuff...
i'm excited to grow so much more. i'm excited to see my friends and family grow. to mature and become all they are meant to be. i'm getting to the age where life is really starting, like 20 is when shit goes down. the next 20 years my life is going to change more than i'll ever want. but i can't help it.thats just life. and i'm stoked! (yes, stoked..i'm sick of saying excited)
I believe people are in our lives for a reason. God blessed me with my friends,with little bundles of lovable joy for a greater purpose that to "hang" with. they challenge me, they "complete me"! and i can never take this for granted.
Psalm 138:8 really got to me.
The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your love, O LORD, endures forever—
do not abandon the works of your hands
i'm destined for greatness. we are all destined for greatness, and we must settle for nothing less.take passions and desires, ideas, thoughts, motives, anything really and tune that into the song that God is mastering over your life;with your life. maybe that doesn't make sense. but i kinda see it like we all have this grand song that God is conducting. it's so so beautiful. we can take it where we want it to go, but it's best left in the Grand Masters hands. doesn't He know beauty best? He is beauty, He shows us beauty isn't not defined by anything. beauty is beauty. we are all beautiful. no questions. doens't it make sense that the creator of everything wonderful would know how to make our song perfect? it's a song of love. one thats been sung since the beginning of time, but one that changes as we change. it's glorious! i'm excited about this whole song idea. because it gives Him a chance to dance with us, so to say, to take us back to out first love. our true love in the great romance that we have created together. so yes, everything we are given, take that and pour it into this love. this song. thats why we are here. find the greatness you are destined for. search high and low through that vast love of your Creator to find what life really is. what greatness really is. no pushing back, no doubt or worry. let Him in and let Him love. all the passions and desire and ideas and thoughts and motives and longing, everything is satisfied here. in him. this is all he desires. intimacy with us. it's so so so so so exciting.
thats all that matters. living our life under God's love, His blessing. don't take it for granted. live with purpose.
so. my prayer for you in this next year is that you love. that you make your song, your romance beautiful. that you taste Heavens kisses, and that you continue to read my blog.
one of the awkward photos of the year
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