invincible facing death

i wanna be a poet

2011-04-17T22:52:00.000-07:00

2011-03-29T13:42:00.000-07:00

i suggest you never drop your phone in the bath (especially if it's filled with water) while it may sound fun and exciting, it's not. it's expensive.

2011-03-12T13:42:00.000-08:00

cuba is amazing.

except for the fruit- it wasn't really all that great.

well. thats it!

i kinda love this song......fml

2011-02-09T21:12:00.000-08:00

2011-01-17T23:43:00.001-08:00

well obviously my whole end of 2010 thing turned into nothing.
sweet!
i'm reading bod dylan's chronicles book...voume one...it's kinda sweet.
annnnd thats about all.

NEXT FAVOURITE THING!

2010-12-28T22:56:00.000-08:00

this one gets an OMG amazing.

the end is nearrr

2010-12-28T13:30:00.000-08:00

it's almost the end of 2010! so much happened. i'll go into all the juicy details soon enough.

for now: i'm gonna start posting my favourite things of 2010! just call me O! (except no one gets anything for free)

lets start here. actually, i could probably end here as well. thats how much i love everything about this song and video and 2010 robyn. but you know me, and i will post the shit out of what i enjoyed this year.

Raah raah like a dungeon dragon

2010-12-19T14:13:00.000-08:00

I am not Jasmine, I am Aladdin.

So far ahead, these bums is laggin’

I’m startin’ to feel like a dungeon dragon

for the record:

2010-12-02T21:24:00.000-08:00

we will ALWAYS be the funniest people we know.

(along with a lot of other amazing things)

best thing on tv (aside from modern family and dexter-duhhh)

2010-12-01T19:46:00.000-08:00

only dying makes us grow

2010-11-29T21:03:00.000-08:00

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

2010-11-29T17:10:00.001-08:00

CASTLE WALLS

amazing (obviously)

2010-11-25T19:38:00.002-08:00

checkkkk it!

2010-11-15T10:48:00.001-08:00

2010-11-13T22:35:00.000-08:00

religion forces what Jesus would have done freely from the heart

YE YES YES

2010-11-05T22:43:00.001-07:00

2010-11-04T13:28:00.001-07:00

back to august...yes. i changed taylor swift lyrics...

2010-10-18T15:10:00.000-07:00

i am slowing going insane.

i'm sick today- and i'm alone. i'm not entirely sure where my parents are- they are good at picking up and leaving for a week at a time without giving me many details. everyone is at work or school. so i am alone. i've reached the point where i am counting my split ends-just because i can. watching t.v. hurts my head-same with reading. this sucks.

i don't even know what i'm sick with. someone told me they are convinced this is my body telling me to give up. i'm exhausted. and i'm hungry all the time. maybe i'm pregnant? (actually, i'm not. i'm nowhere near pregnant. i was closer to getting pregnant when i was 6 and my friend adam was running after my with a bucket of worms demanding i eat them than i am now. what a humbling thought. here i am- at the ripe old age of 21 and i'm just as lame as when i was 14.) my body is a wreck. not just the regular grey hair and rash hands (actually the hands have been not all bad)- i've caught this new "thing" i refer to it as "rash leg" and yes, it's just as disgusting as it sounds. i thought it was a cat allergy-stupid people with stupid cats- but i've realized it's not. because i have it now. i am nowhere near a cat. something is wrong. i think my mom is convinced i have an eating disorder. she keeps asking me why i'm losing weight. just what i need- motherdearest on my back. i've started the most unhealthy diet known to man-kind so i can gain some weight just to have opinions not be negative- cause others have noticed to. basically- i love dill pickle crispers all the time. if you haven't tried them- please do. you wont regret it (be warned- they don't help with weight gain.....)

back to the "giving up" thing. i don't really know where i will start. i've been winding up pretty much all summer. it started not to long before zach dearest- and he just made it worse- well not him, i can't blame him- but me with him. how i felt and what i thought...it was me beginning to stress. then august came. and i became weird. i turned off emotion for most of that month- i honestly don't even remember what happened for the last half of that month. i know i cried a lot of tears, and i had to ask a lot of people for forgiveness which sucks. i will admit that. admitting you have been wrong, and you've screwed up- and leaving it at just that- with no intention to defend yourself is hard. luckily august ended fast. i'd like to think i grew a lot this summer- but i didn't. thats really all i can say. i did learn. i learnt a lot. but it's taken time for me to apply things to my life.

rebecca and i have been talking about trust. yes, we were talking trust in a dating relationship. when to trust, when to draw the line, blah blah (we've been watching laguna beach- and jessica trusted jason even though she knew he was trouble) but it got me to thinking. because no matter how much we trust someone with other people, if we don't trust them with ourselves it's pointless. if i have a boyfriend, who despite being told otherwise, i trust him. i believe he won't cheat- or whatever, then i am at the same time trusting that he likes me. so for me, with issues i've had for many years- i can't trust. how can i truly believe someone will be faithful, and not fool around, or not turn out to be a complete asshole if i can't even believe he likes me? at this point in my life, this is all irrelevant, but i know, one day it will matter. probably thats why i have to start giving up now. i can't keep fooling around with people because i'm insecure. thats the bottom line. my issues are starting to hurt people. partially because i'm stupid. partially because i'm realizing i'm not all bad- and i have control in some situations.

anyways. i've blabbed lots. too much. i hit too many random thought just now. i read it- and it's all confusing, but i don't care. thats kinda my brain right now. i'm very much so done with my job- and i'm full of thoughts for whats next- but not so full of motivation. typical dara.

don't be afraid little warrior bride- your victory is on the other side

2010-10-03T23:51:00.000-07:00

Hear me laughing as you run from your calling

see me crying, see me crying in the storms that rage

one way or another, you will be going

to obey is such an easier way

my life used to be centered on my destiny. my calling- the greatness i was to live up to. but suddenly it all became less important. what became important was Dara. not even making Dara happy- or doing things Dara wanted to do. just Dara.

it's so twisted and sick. i can't even explain it.

anyways. enough of that.

God is good. i've said it all along, and i will continue to say it. I am the apple of my father's eye. no matter what. i'm His. he is my Beloved. when i lose sight of my destiny- of His LOVE- He hasn't lost sight of me.

empire state of mind

2010-10-02T22:46:00.000-07:00

i love new york.

really, i could stop at that- but i'm not going to. I was so excited for this trip. i needed time to get away...a chance to not have my cell phone and be in constant communication with the entire world. (i wish i had enough will power to do this on my own) i wasn't too thrilled to be going with my parents- it's been a bit tense in the house the last little while. but it turned out good! we got along and it was nice.

I LOVE WiCKED.

I've known for the past few years that i liked it. but seeing it live- hearing elphaba sing defying gravity while she soars across the stage.i definitely cried- which is just typical dara i suppose.

i could go on and on. everyone needs to go to new york. even if it's not "your thing" you still need to go. definitely an amazing experience.

life is good. lots is happening- but thats okay. i'm typing thoughts, then taking a break for little naps before the next. so i think i need to go to sleep

just what i needed

2010-09-05T15:15:00.001-07:00

wow

and another

its neat how when lost by so much confusion- i can find some peace of mind through opened eyes.

2010-09-01T23:26:00.000-07:00

Well it's been a long time, long time now

Since I've seen you smile

And I'll gamble away my fright

And I'll gamble away my time

And in a year, a year or so

This will slip into the sea

Well it's been a long time, long time now

Since I've seen you smile

Nobody raise your voices (I'm all alone)

Just another night to mourn to

Nobody raise your voices (I'm all alone)

Just another night to mourn to

2010-08-31T20:12:00.000-07:00

probably not what you're expecting.

2010-08-23T23:57:00.001-07:00

perfection. (kid cudi and iron and wine covered)

2010-08-16T14:42:00.001-07:00

all is fair in love and war

2010-08-15T22:55:00.000-07:00

and if you come around saying sorry to me - my daddy's gonna show you how sorry you'll be!

Flash forward and we're taking on the world together

2010-08-08T12:34:00.001-07:00

2010-07-22T22:12:00.001-07:00

out of the shame- into the light

2010-05-14T23:29:00.000-07:00

my heart will not let go until you come close.
from the ends of the earth-to the depths of the sea.
to our secret place- come be with me
come and we will walk together.
come and i will be your love

live life like you were made to.

2010-05-09T20:34:00.000-07:00

okay?

2010-04-25T14:53:00.000-07:00

i'd forgotten my passowrd and username to my blog for a long time.
but i got it now.
here is how i am celebrating....

MIA kicks ass

the best featuring kid cutie

2010-04-10T15:38:00.001-07:00

you tell me it's all gonna be okay.

2010-03-24T21:51:00.000-07:00

so i believe; it's all gonna be okay.

what happens when the fairytale ends?

2010-03-22T22:46:00.001-07:00

really. what happens?

2010-03-21T12:10:00.001-07:00

An interesting plainness is the most difficult and precious thing to achieve

you were born for such a time as this

2010-03-15T23:38:00.000-07:00

i speak this over all of your lives.

our song will be kick ass

2010-03-15T22:51:00.000-07:00

Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem:
Don't excite love, don't stir it up,
until the time is ripe—and you're ready.

love filled with passion that burns like a blazing fire is worth waiting for.
this i know

hold out for your fairytale soul sisters..

you be the hero. i'll be the heroine

2010-03-15T22:44:00.000-07:00

2010-03-05T23:12:00.000-08:00

i was having a conversation at work with some random customer about Neil Young. we discussed how his voice is nothing great. but damnnnnn his songs are amazing.

Everybody says Time heals everything But what of the wretched hollow?

2010-03-05T22:54:00.001-08:00

what the eff am i looking at and why am i posting it on my blog?

2010-03-04T13:13:00.000-08:00

check these out.

get ready to spit out your drink when you hit about number 12 or so....

no more bacon!

2010-03-04T12:42:00.001-08:00

it's so cute i could cry!

i want a teacup pig.

but it's sad because from what i know, they are just super underfed normal pigs. which i don't agree with, so i'd never get one. but some lady says she breeds them like this....so i really want one again.

or just a potbellied pig. not even a teacup one.

i was funny.

2010-03-01T22:40:00.000-08:00

basically, i'm making a killer cd for brittany. just because we love JB......i was looking at lame/so good teen stars, and aly and aj were brought to my mind. i used to like them. and it was at an awkward time, because i was too old to really like them. so i had to be a secret fan..watch youtube videos and such compared to downloading the songs. anyways. this song "chemicals react" was my abolute favourite. i remember i sent it to DD when we were trying to be friends after one of our "breakups'" (we had lots of weird ups and down or something. we tried to be friends lots and it just never worked. but we would try again. then again and again....) anyways. i was like "wow. this is perfect." and i related so much. like...were you right, was i wrong..blah blah both of us broken caught in the moment" just all the lyrics actually.
i remember him being like "this has nothing to do with us"
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. i was so bummed. like."oh, you don't see it how it how i do.maybe you're done or something while i'm still thinking that we are chemicals reacting"

it's weird i ever sent it to him. i just get weird emotions.
basically. it was a hard time....a whole like two years ago or something.
i wish i could say i don't like the song anymore. but thats a complete. lie. i like it. i really really like it!

But the planets all aligned when you looked into my eyes and just like that watch the chemicals react

i think i like their song "rush" too. darn.

2010-03-01T21:58:00.000-08:00

I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.

thanks Marianne

2010-02-25T22:34:00.000-08:00

Our worst fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others

i love me some motorcycles.

2010-02-25T14:16:00.000-08:00

we all know i LOVE major lazer (this is my favourite song)

i don't think i've posted this video yet. i know i did the other one...at the club with the cartoon zombie type things? the really really sweet one.

well. this one just makes me laugh. and laugh. it's wonderful.

I'm on the pursuit of happiness

2010-02-24T23:05:00.000-08:00

and I know everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold

the sooner we realize this, the better. life is good. but shit happens. lets deal with it, and continue life on the pursuit of happiness.

2010-02-23T12:35:00.000-08:00

YES!!GOOD!

2010-02-17T17:47:00.001-08:00

I HAVE TO GO!!!

everything around is breaking down to chaos

2010-02-14T00:51:00.000-08:00

At least it was never until I noticed you
and your ways capture what I've misplaced
in the perfect fashion
Just watch my hearts reaction
This point of view is nothing that I'm used to
But I wont close my eyes cause they're onto you

2010-02-11T22:41:00.000-08:00

i was so ready to blog the crap out of my night.

but i don't think i'm going to.

apparently i'm just going to keep posting super short, unimportant statements for the time being.

i will say this.

maybe everything happens for a reason.

but do you think maybe we make that reason by making everything happen??

who knows.

THERE IS AN ARMY RISING UP TO BREAK EVERY CHAIN

2010-02-10T22:27:00.000-08:00

there is power in the name of Jesus to break every chain

2010-02-09T22:01:00.000-08:00

there goes all my hopes and dreams.

thanks.

2010-02-08T23:14:00.000-08:00

i hope you're never just another picture to burn....

Easy to be who you are when no one knows your name

2010-02-08T22:32:00.000-08:00

I'm finding my way back to sanity again
Though I don't really know what I'm going to do when I get there
Take a breath and hold on tight, spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back to the arms of Grace

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move

In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning

Seems my own arrogance has knocked me off my feet again
When you know I'm crawling to you as fast as I can
First teach me to walk
And then I'll learn to dance for you

What are you thinking as you look down on me
Are you frustrated with my inconsistency
Or intrigued that I can find the will to get back up or
Maybe all of this is simply amusing
Cause I am reaching for you
But my arms aren't long enough

I'm wondering why i ever stopped listening to lifehouse. holy crap. obviously i've been listening again.

listen up

2010-02-07T23:13:00.001-08:00

God, who gets invited to dinner at your place?

How do we get on your guest list?

"Walk straight,

act right,

tell the truth.

Don't hurt your friend,

don't blame your neighbor;

despise the despicable.

Keep your word even when it costs you,

make an honest living,

never take a bribe.

You'll never get

blacklisted

if you live like this."

2010-02-05T22:54:00.000-08:00

i hate when i get excited about something, then i realize it's not gonna happen for reasons completely beyond my control.

so much for getting a plan for my future.

2010-02-03T23:09:00.000-08:00

these are the dolls Dara and Sara.
sadly, Dara is the boy doll....

it's gonna make you love me

2010-02-03T22:40:00.001-08:00

life is really getting started.
i feel like both "be somebody" and "heart of a lion" should be playing all the time.
my life maybe?
given the chance, i'm gonna be somebody...with the heart of a lion.

this is where it alll begins.

2010-02-03T21:14:00.000-08:00

There is no such thing as part freedom.

2010-02-02T22:49:00.000-08:00

It always seems impossible until its done.

freedom.freedom.freedom.

i was just thinking about "getting over" something.i just now realized it's not something for me to get over. there was never anything there for me to got over. duhhhhh.

freedom is here. like i have freedom. freedom of anything. we can dance in the freedom, we can really do whatever the Hell we want with it. but WE HAVE FREEDOM.

i think all it takes is us realizing it.

God's here. with His freedom. sure,sure maybe these chains that have tied me to the "love of my life" don't need to be broken by God. those are MY chains. God didn't have anything to do with it.

but i don't think He cares. He actually has everything to do with everything. so give it to him.

i'm probably not making sense, but i don't care. because it's perfectly clear to me. i just figured shit out.

with my strength, with my heart of a lion, with my wonderful maker i have freedom from whatever i want.

it's here.

no FEAR. no temptation, no desire for bad things. no blah blah blah (whatever you want really) just love.

love and freedom. the same really.

okay. in a day or two hopefully i can put this all into words that will actually make sense but for now.

i'm going to go sleep in my freedom. and tomorrow, i'm going to live with it. with no fear, no thoughts or anything i don't want. so simple.

this maybe wont solve all the world's problems. not yet. but it's working for mine.

don't ever forget how much strength you have

2010-02-01T21:47:00.000-08:00

Lionesses are the core members of, and the primary hunters for each pride or primary social group of lions....so....basically, they are important.

when God gives you a name. He means it.live up to it

2010-02-01T20:07:00.000-08:00

enjoy

2010-01-31T13:36:00.000-08:00

MAN BABIES is my new favourite thing. seeing the babies look so big and the tiny men makes me laugh a lot.

Fear: and unpleasant emotion aroused by impending danger

2010-01-28T22:51:00.000-08:00

There is no such thing as danger.

look at your creator. look what He can do, what He already has done.

God's got it. always

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love
Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love

THIS IS BLOWING MY MIND!

2010-01-27T22:33:00.000-08:00

EVERYBODY! ROCK YOUR BODY!

2010-01-27T21:25:00.000-08:00

BACKSTREETS BACK ALRIGHT!

dirty little secret. i've been listening to my "backstreet boys greatest hits: Chapter 1" and it's changing my life. it has always good. i'm beginning to realize it will ALWAYS be good.

"i don't care who you are, where you're from, what you did. as long as you love me"

"tell me why i can't be there where you are. there's something missing in my heart!"

"quit playing games with my heart"

OHHHH MY GOSH! ALL I HAVE TO GIVE STILL MAKES ME CRY! haha....."my love is all i have to give. without you i don't think i could live. i wish i could give the world to you; but love is all i have to give"

we haven't even gotten into shape of my heart or drowning yet.

basically. i'm a geek. but i don't even care. these songs shaped a portion of my childhood. (i know the EXACT outfit i was wearing when black and blue came out)

SO GET DOWN GET DOWN AND MOVE IT AL AROUND!

2010-01-26T23:10:00.000-08:00

this video creeps the crap out of me. but my fellow trueblood fans will appreciate the male in the video.

Your Glory shines before our eyes.

2010-01-24T12:45:00.000-08:00

King of wonders, we stand amazed,
There’s no other, other than you.
King of wonders, you know the way to our hearts and
The more we see the more we love you.

this was from Brittney. May 7,2003 haha.

2010-01-24T00:31:00.000-08:00

Dara

While she doubts that anyone likes her,
someone always has that eye on her!
She likes befriending
boyz that are bending(hehe).
******* for one is the one that she does not shun.
So when you see Dara walking down the street,
you'll always know someone close by that she would like to meet.

2010-01-22T23:11:00.000-08:00

i know some people have issues with LIVE versions of songs.
i love them.
especially this one.

it's one of my favourite songs at the moment, it's just great.

2010-01-22T18:50:00.000-08:00

Dear Family, Friends and Business Colleagues:

First, I have never been one to send out an email to such a large group of people. In fact I had to ask someone how to accomplish this.

The world changed last week for those in Haiti……I will come back to this later.

5 years ago I made my first trip to an orphanage (Haiti Children’s Home) in Haiti. What I saw during that trip was something I never could have imagined. After meeting the children and the caregivers, I wanted to find a small way to make a difference when I came back home. Shortly thereafter, a small group of us assembled at a Tim Horton’s in Ponoka, Alberta, Canada and one week later we became “Haitian Children’s Aid Society”. Our purpose was simple: find ways to get food, medical supplies and money to this orphanage so that children can stay alive in a home environment while adoptive families could be found for them.

Since that time, 80 adoptive families have received a happy child from Haiti Children’s Home. Currently, of the 45 children now at the orphanage, 6 are in the final stages of adoption and near ready to come to a home in Canada.

The quake on January 12th did not severely damage the orphanage building and all the children and staff were safe. The location of the orphanage is 50 KMS from Port-Au-Prince. However, the orphanage which also had an attached medical clinic quickly became a treatment center for local people and those coming from Port-Au-Prince seeking help and safety.

Today, January 20th, the orphanage building did not survive an aftershock. All staff and children are safe, but are now outdoors with nowhere to go. No power. We have located some partner friends in Dominican Republic who are scrambling to get food and milk to the children. I have included a recent communication below from our Director at the orphanage:

“The orphanage has been declared unfit to live in by the United Nations after today’s quake. We are trying to get ALL the kids out to the States on a Humanitarian visa for right now. They are sleeping in the yard again and cannot enter the house. I am going to the US Embassy tomorrow and likely will stand in line for hours but I need to find our options. The UN will bring us milk and water and hopefully tarps and tents for tonight. I am trying to get the Embassy pictures of the kids with Lori's help so that I have ID photos to take tomorrow. There is no power in town .....”

Many of you have likely given already to Haiti relief -- there are so many worthy causes. If you feel so inclined to help the 45 children at Haiti Children’s Home I can attest that 100% of the money will find its way to helping them directly. We have some trusted partners in Canada and the USA that will take donations, offer charitable receipts and dedicate all funds to helping the children in the orphanage.

In Canada:
Champion City Church
7531-152 C Ave.
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
T5C 3L2
Please make your cheque out to "Champion City Church", write in the cheque memo "Haiti Relief" and include your full name and address.

In USA:
Interfellowship Christian Ministries
c/o Alana Butts
417 Webb Ct.
Minden, LA 71055
U.S.A
Please make your cheque out to "Interfellowship Christian Ministries", write in the cheque memo "Haiti Relief" and include your full name and address.

If no charitable tax receipt is required please send your donation to:
Haitian Children's Aid Society
C/O Duane Albers
RR # 2
Wetaskiwin, AB T9A 1W9

Thank you for your help and consideration. If you have any questions I would be pleased to take your call at 403.350.3420. A website is included below for further information, and to learn more about this important role that the orphanage plays in the lives of many children.

Best Regards,
Doug Decksheimer
http://www.haitichildrenshome.com/index.php

2010-01-22T18:07:00.000-08:00

hope for haiti now

remember this?

focus focus focus (and i'm not talking about the car)

2010-01-21T23:08:00.000-08:00

the bright eyed choke on ambition

in focusing on myself; in looking on my own hardship, my own struggles and pains: i miss the world. i can't see what's going on around me. i'm important.

i take my problems, and make them the only problems. my life sucks. my world is screwed up. me,my,mine.

when i focus on God. when i look to Him, and take the focus off my own life even if it's for a second i realize i'm not the world.(duh) there is a lot out there other than me. i can "suffer" but i can't have pity on myself. my life isn't worst. my problems aren't biggest. (even if they appear to be)

looking to me makes my world seem a lot more "important" than it actually is.

i'm important, but it's not all about me. get it?

i can learn to be humble

amen.

2010-01-20T21:43:00.000-08:00

be.

Be still and know that I am God.

be love.be life. be free. be freedom. be unforgettable. be joy. be content. heck, be you. be strength. be courage. be encouraged

You're trying so hard to behave but I'm not going to let you until you learn how to Be.
I'm not going to let you even behave right until you learn to Be.

i am my BEloved's.

just be, okay?

2010-01-19T22:44:00.000-08:00

TAKE YOUR FEAR AND THROW IT ALL AWAY.

YOU ARE STRONGER THAN THAT.

2010-01-19T22:42:00.000-08:00

Your sword’s grown old and rusty
Burnt beneath the rising sun
It’s locked up like a trophy
Forgetting all the things it’s done

And though it’s been a long time
You’re right back where you started from
I see it in your eyes
That now you’re giving up the gun

But if the chance remained
To see those better days
I’d cut the cannons down

My ears are blown to bits
From all the rifle hits
But I still crave that sound

You felt the coming wave
Told me we’d all be brave
You said you wouldn’t flinch

But in the years that passed
Since I saw you last
You haven’t moved an inch

I see you shine in your way
Go on, go on, go on

the battle with the heart isn't easily won (but it CAN be won)

2010-01-17T22:25:00.000-08:00

2010-01-17T20:40:00.001-08:00

OH MY GOSH. I WAS IN HEAVEN

2010-01-17T19:11:00.000-08:00

video killed the bloggggio star

2010-01-16T21:21:00.000-08:00

2010-01-16T16:18:00.001-08:00

good good good

SHUT UP AND LET ME GO!

2010-01-16T16:03:00.000-08:00

because we can

2010-01-14T21:46:00.000-08:00

today i met a lady who is involved in "spiritual healing" i was really intrigued by what that meant.because i wasn't entirely sure. so i asked. and we got into rather good conversation. i think i'm becoming some sort of naturalistic hippie or something. i mean. i was talking about "putting good energy out into the universe to get good parking spots" at christmas time.

now. i realize it may not be my manifesting of good into the universe that gets me good parking (basically karma) but i believe "energy" as they call it plays a huge factor in life. she got kinda crazy going on about calling the spirit guides and angels to help bring out bad energy...haha. but there was some good!

she was talking about how we all have our energy; our aura, which is either negative or positive. someone with a negative energy is hard to be around. their aura is bad. those with a good energy, or a bright aura are easy to be around and to stand. now, while i'm not really into reading peoples energies, and associating everything with that. i agree with the concept. if you are negative, if you have a cynical outlook on life, you are not as enjoyable. if you're having a bad day, going through something stressful blah,blah,blah you are not a joy to spend time with. where as, on good days. those taken on with positive attitude and smiles and sunshine, we are so much more easy to be around.

good energy/bad energy.

i'm not applauding the universe for getting me a good parking spot. but the thing is, had i not taken time to think "hey, lets think good things so maybe i'll get good parking" then i never would have noticed the good parking. i would have taken it for granted type thing.

maybe God gave me the parking?

maybe it's a parking spot and i'm looking way too far into this?

i'm done with negative.

thats it.

why would i live my life that way? i can be a downer. big time. but why? what's the point? life is far far far too short for that. i have eternity to bag on people and get pissed off about things.

the problem though with this new attitude, is i need to find time to eliminate things that bring me down. which isn't going to be easy. i know there are people and things in my life that don't need to be there. it's not like elimination time, but it's Dara time. i can't take all my time and effort and energy and pour it into things that won't give back.

this isn't a selfish thing. i realize what i am saying sounds really really selfish. but i can only take so much. i'll still love. i will love and i will love. but i can take my time and put it into places where i can see it grow. beating a dead horse type things!

it's not like a "i'm going to stop loving you, because you don't love me back..so i'm instead going to love someone who will love me"

but at the same time that is sort of it. just not that.

more like. my life is going here. yours is going there. either hop on and make an effort, or be careful because we might fade.

if i get let down, i get negative. i feel either bad about myself, or about that person, or that thing. why continue to be let down when i can move on and get on with life?

it's so simple!!

it's not just "being positive" that i'm aiming for. i want to be pure. to be humbled. to live right. not just a "lets live right in GOD'S EYESSSSS" LETS JUST LIVE RIGHT. lets do our part in the world. pray for Haiti. get informed about issues in the city, in the world. take time out of your busy schedule to think of someone other than yourself. (thats probably the hardest for me) lets love. take time for people. live the way we are called to. try to make a difference obviously, be positive! live right in God's eyes. but don't do it because you feel you HAVE to. because you're "commanded" to. do it because it's right. lets do it with a heart of a lion!

this can't be where everyone is in their life. but this is where i am. and i am soaking it all up. i'm just loving it. i haven't nearly sorted it all out. and i doubt i ever will. i'm not telling you how to live you life. i'm telling you how i want to live mine. that is it.

Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
God knows, all right—
knows your stupidity,
sees your shallowness
You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
A good reputation is better than a fat bank account. Your death date tells more than your birth date.

He who walks with the wise grows wise,
but a companion of fools suffers harm.

not for the faint of heart

2010-01-12T22:22:00.000-08:00

i imagine some can't understand my OBSESSION with kid cudi.
sure.sure. if you look up what he's done....it may seem a bit sketch. but honestly....i ADORE his music.
i doubt you've taken the time to listen to anything other than day 'n' night (YES. this is the wonder who sings that!) anyways. this is just one of his good songs. there are more. but this one is really really good. just listen.
take it to heart. he deserves the spot of my profile picture if you ask me!

yes. we DO get on

2010-01-12T21:59:00.001-08:00

this used to be "my song" i knew it. and those close to me knew it.
but why? what the heck has happened to me that would make this become my song? i planned to bump into a crush? sure.sure.sure. i did "things" and i think i might "get on" with someone. and i could never tell that to his face. but why does that make this my song?
why is MY song the one that ends with the crush kissing another girl?
sure if this happened i would lock myself in the toilet and cry the entire my night. but this HASN'T HAPPENED.

honestly. we need more faith.
what is with having songs? i have about a million of them. and hardly any of them are good. it's all "i loooove you, but you don't even know who i am" three doors down has a song thats like "you love me, but you don't know who i am" i used to change the lyrics and sob "you don't love me because you know who i am" i wish i was kidding. because thats just horrible. but it's true. this is different than not having self respect..well maybe it's rather similar..but it's an issue that has to stop.
we are worth so so much more than stupid lyrics.
"OHHHHH My GOSH! THIS IS MY SONG!!!" as white horse plays....i'm not you're princess..sob sob....it's too late for your white horse...sob sob...GET OVER IT. it's not too late. you are a princess. some guy didn't cheat..lie...whatever...you're just emotionally unstable. (thats a note to myself. maybe someone can relate to that song..haha..sorry if thats the case) but really. if that is the case. you need to pick better men. no offence, but you're not doing a very good job at guarding your heart and your soul and yourself. because you need to be careful. you are far far too valuable to waste yourself on just anyone. and i'm not just speaking of sex.
anyways. this isn't really going anywhere.
basically. i love love love music. all sorts. and i'm sick of it bringing me down. i hate thinking that i relate to something when i really really don't. i can't sing those sad songs and take them on as my own. i just can't, because it's not truth.i can sing them. but i need to realize it's not me. i'm not useless and single and dumped! i may think i am. but i'm not
maybe i'd like to think that i'm i love with someone, but he doesn't even know my first name. or it could be fun not get the memo and only see stiletto's but thats just not truth.

ROMEO SAVE ME.
this. i can sing. and it shall not bring me down!

WELL. WE ALL HAVE SOMEONE WE CAN SING THIS SONG TO.

2010-01-10T22:50:00.001-08:00

2010-01-10T21:53:00.000-08:00

This is what makes my head spin

You're forever Holy

God of all creation
Pour Your life into me
This is so overwhelming
You're forever Holy

it's not even 11 and i'm so ready for bed. this is amazing.

2010-01-10T21:47:00.000-08:00

see more Epic Fails

2010-01-09T23:28:00.001-08:00

be this. yet at the same time; don't.

2010-01-06T22:24:00.000-08:00

We can either let our surroundings and circumstances affect us, or we can affect our circumstances and surrounding.

really. i talk about being content lots. like taking what God's giving, and not always searching for the next happiness. but soaking in the moment.
but really. being uncontent it okay too. in the way that we really should never be satisfied until we meet Him.
so. i'm content with where i am. yet i will NEVER be completely satisfied until my soul is with the one it belongs to.

but really.be satisfied.
yet don't be.

i honestly wish i could make more sense right now. but i'm just so so exhausted, i can't even say what i'm trying to say.

live you life with happiness. do what you need to do to be happy. find satisfaction with life.be content.
but don't forget the bigger picture. right? remember there is so so much more to look forward to than just being satisfied in this life.

HAHA i found my new addiction

2010-01-05T22:54:00.001-08:00

see more funny facebook stuff!

i lied. i still listen to Chris Brown

2010-01-05T21:01:00.000-08:00

p.s. sometimes when i say "Music is my boyfriend" i pretend "music" is" jensen ackles".....

this is a lot of "i" and "me." get over it.

2010-01-04T23:24:00.000-08:00

in my dream world....brushing my teeth wouldn't make me gag. i wouldn't have to wash my hair. in the morning, i would just make it how i want it. veronica mars would continue on after season three. i would be the star of a kid cudi music video. damien rice, florence walsh, allison sudol, joshua radin, Torquil Campbel, emily haines and chris martin would write and sing with each other. and not just once. they would be friends, and often make music for me to listen to. only me. if someone else wanted to hear it, they would have to ask for my permission. i would never have to sleep. just unending awakeness. vampires would be real. they would be sexy, and they would not be terrifying. plane rides would be instant-with good food. sharks wouldn't exist-so i could experience water.SCREW DRINKING WATER. iced tea would be in "iced tea fountain." activia would be the only yogurt. Christian Audigier would never come up with the horror that is ed hardy."almost lover" would play at all dramatic boy moments of my life. (which i suppose it does in my head anyways) my job wouldn't stress me out. Mario bros would have come out a LONG time ago for the wii. my car would be a hatchback, my dog a puggle. miley cyrus would be single forever. mark walhberg would not be married. he can be happy, just not married. the ting tings would follow me around and play killer beats all the time. arrested development would have a new episode every day.

of course, there would be much much more. but i will stop.
i'm just showing how different we are. like, we are all human, but we are all so so so different. what i like. what inspires me and gives me hope and life; probably is hell to someone else. someone, somewhere, might look at my dream world and die right there. in front of their PC, in their ford. under their ed hardy snuggie......(which in my dream world would happen, ironically enough....)

thee best

2010-01-04T23:14:00.000-08:00

WE ARE NEVER THE SAME AFTER WE ENCOUNTER THE LOVE OF GOD

2010-01-03T00:41:00.000-08:00

or the love of anyone for that matter.

2009 was the year:

2010-01-01T17:36:00.000-08:00

i started wearing my bangs back.

i stopped wearing make up.

i realized I mattered.

happiness mattered.

i started the long journey of having hair longer than miley cyrus. (i'm well on my way)

i blogged!!

i downloaded 6 different versions of "how he loves"

i started listening to arcade fire, the clash, MGMT, bon iver and kid cudi.

i stopped listening to chris brown. (he can not transform me.)

honey was best served with refresh tea.

i read christy miller for the fifth time.

i stopped reading cosmo.

i didn't take many photos.

i did make lots of memories.

i made new friends.

i lost old friends.

i cut an asshole out of my life cold turkey.

i only made contact with the asshole one time after cutting it out.

the farthest place i travelled was ontario. how disgusting is that?

i got over a never-ending crush.

i eventually went back to the never ending crush. (to be fair, my eyes were opened, and i was human)

kanye west became a douche.

justin beiber became the cutest thing alive. (aside from the PUGGLE PUPPY i really want)

i had my heart crushed.

i realized three days after having my heart crush that it indeed was not crushed.

i rode on a boys motorcycle other than my dads. ohlala

i learned to watch my words.

i got an iphone. (all that money i saved from not buying makeup)

i wore heels all the time.

i realized how stupid i am when i mixed up north and south on a map.

a lot more happened this year (obviously.) but these are what had an impact on me....or these are what i can think of at this exact time.) it was good. really good. and the next year will be good too. i'm going to do lots. and it'll be neat.

cheers.

wind up: We are His portion and He is our prize

2009-12-30T22:32:00.000-08:00

well my fine forest friends; we've made it through another year. two thousand and nine was neat. i don't really think i have any other words in my not-so-vast vocabulary to describe it.
i learnt a few things. many of which i've already shared.i tend to share with the world wide web as i learn. maybe i'll start updating my facebook status every five seconds. then absolutely everyone i know will know all my deepest thought. ...i'm thinking of a certain loverboy... teehee *shifts eyes so not as to look stupid**....YEAH. i'll be a bigger hit than i already am.
i realized that God is good. God is ALWAYS good. nothing changes that. and no matter how many times i think i've grasped it, i haven't. i can't understand how good He really is. i understand that "of course it's easy for you to say God is good, what bad thing has he ever done to you?..." but alas, i Dara Rael Decksheimer have issues. yes, i'm not perfect. i'm not blaming God, because God is good. i'm blaming my lack of faith. not to say that anything bad that happens happens because you don't believe in God, so He punished you...i'm not saying that at all. but i'll admit, i've had it pretty easy thus far. but i've still had problems, and Father, in His goodness is guiding me through. it's not like i don't struggle. sometimes being stable and so sure about things is hard. i feel like a hypocrite lots. i feel so strong about some things, yet the line can get foggy if i need it to. i wish i could blame that on human nature, well i suppose i can; but thats not right at all. i can't take everything wrong i do and say i couldn't help it. or it's fun. noooo biggie. because thats not the life of love i'm called to live. a God as good as mine didn't create me to live out of my "human nature" flesh. say "no" to fleshy ways. they corrupt the deepest longing of our soul. trust me.

speaking of deepest longing of our soul.....love.love.love.love.love
passionate unmistakably beautiful love.
it's nothing less than that. but it's so so so much more.

i'm still really excited to fall in love with a boytoy. but it's not important. i know at one point it was. i have read so many "womans issues" books these past few years, it's disgusting. they all talk about how we don't need a man. we don't need to date, lets all court and meet our husband when we are 20, but until then, realize that Jesus is your prince chamring, and he is your boyfriend, and your fiance. i guess the idea is good. kinda like don't lose hope, having a husband isn't all that this life is about. find yourself in God first. but i found reading this again and again became somewhat depressing. i can't learn ina book how to be content with myself. how to give up all that i am and live only in God's embrace. i mean, i can get step by step guidelines, but it's not what creates change in me. i get that everyone is different, and maybe these: woman rule, boys suck, we don't need you, we have jesus book really do help people.i just realized things. some from books some from life i get that everyday i am single. every moment i'm not with a "partner" i'm growing, i'm learning. i'm becoming the best woman i can possibly be. so really, the longer i wait, the better i'll get. i am praying i get good at cooking, or cleaning, or laundry..or driving..you know, typical wife stuff...
i'm excited to grow so much more. i'm excited to see my friends and family grow. to mature and become all they are meant to be. i'm getting to the age where life is really starting, like 20 is when shit goes down. the next 20 years my life is going to change more than i'll ever want. but i can't help it.thats just life. and i'm stoked! (yes, stoked..i'm sick of saying excited)

I believe people are in our lives for a reason. God blessed me with my friends,with little bundles of lovable joy for a greater purpose that to "hang" with. they challenge me, they "complete me"! and i can never take this for granted.

Psalm 138:8 really got to me.
The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your love, O LORD, endures forever—
do not abandon the works of your hands

i'm destined for greatness. we are all destined for greatness, and we must settle for nothing less.take passions and desires, ideas, thoughts, motives, anything really and tune that into the song that God is mastering over your life;with your life. maybe that doesn't make sense. but i kinda see it like we all have this grand song that God is conducting. it's so so beautiful. we can take it where we want it to go, but it's best left in the Grand Masters hands. doesn't He know beauty best? He is beauty, He shows us beauty isn't not defined by anything. beauty is beauty. we are all beautiful. no questions. doens't it make sense that the creator of everything wonderful would know how to make our song perfect? it's a song of love. one thats been sung since the beginning of time, but one that changes as we change. it's glorious! i'm excited about this whole song idea. because it gives Him a chance to dance with us, so to say, to take us back to out first love. our true love in the great romance that we have created together. so yes, everything we are given, take that and pour it into this love. this song. thats why we are here. find the greatness you are destined for. search high and low through that vast love of your Creator to find what life really is. what greatness really is. no pushing back, no doubt or worry. let Him in and let Him love. all the passions and desire and ideas and thoughts and motives and longing, everything is satisfied here. in him. this is all he desires. intimacy with us. it's so so so so so exciting.
thats all that matters. living our life under God's love, His blessing. don't take it for granted. live with purpose.

so. my prayer for you in this next year is that you love. that you make your song, your romance beautiful. that you taste Heavens kisses, and that you continue to read my blog.

one of the awkward photos of the year

newbies

2009-12-29T22:27:00.000-08:00

i'm not going to say much.
i'll save that for my last post of 2009!
but. i'm listening to some new misty edwards stuff...(the one who sings...."you wont relent until you have it all..my heart it youns"..and the one " i don't want to talk about you like your not in the room...give me dove's eyes" and so on...
so anyways. just today she released i guess it's like two new cd's? it's late, so i haven't taken the time to look into what they actually are. and why they were not released as one.
i don't care though.they are simply stunning. go buy it.
it's good. i promise.
(am i ever wrong when it comes to music? i think not)

Our Fairytale we'll just leave open

2009-12-27T22:59:00.000-08:00

all i ever wanted was to fly away with you
But I don't see how I could when, I can't even take my heart off of you.